I don’t know why God took away from me
my wife and soul mate, but then I don’t know why He took away from me my father
when I was only eight and I don’t know either why he took away my mother, my
younger brother; nature’s writ, I suppose.
I missed the blessing hand of my father
over my head all through my life; that void was unfillable. I always had a
grouse against God for this act of His. Then, realisation dawned on me that I
was lucky to have had my mother for a friend, a philosopher, and a guide
throughout my early adult life.
I lost my mother twenty years after I
lost my father. I was devastated and, again, I had only complaints against Him.
To say that I crawled out of that dark abyss rather quickly would definitely
seem insensitive and cruel; it may even display certain lack of love for my
mother! That’s not correct at all for the simple reason that I had my wife
waking every insomniac moment and walking every stumbling step along with me in
life. My recovery was relatively easy. Even when my younger brother passed
away, I had the caring embrace of my soul mate to cuddle and cry in, unmindful
of wetting her bosom.
However, in hindsight - man is nothing
if he is not wise in hindsight – all these writs of nature meant naught, for,
in His infinite wisdom and boundless kindness, He left me in the care of my
loving family comprising my two daughters nonpareil, my sons(-in-law), and four
grandchildren. Despite the devastation, if I am able to fight my unfillable
void and incurable loneliness, it is due to this family of mine and also due to
the no-mean contribution of a non-biological daughter of mine fighting her own
battles and demons. I am a lucky old man and am not in the habit of looking in
the mouth of a gift horse.
In some of my earlier blog posts, I
wrote in detail about tackling old age and loneliness. Therein, I mentioned in
unequivocal terms the importance of the caring support of one’s family going
that one extra mile. I am a lucky old man.
Do I have regrets? Just that I do not
have my soul mate beside me in this ultimate and crucial phase of my life.
Do I feel sad? Just that I lost so many
kith and kin and, possibly, will lose a few more during the remainder of my
sojourn on this planet.
Do I feel aimless and rudderless? No. I
keep myself positively engaged in sketching and painting, writing poetry, which
activities also act therapeutically for my ravaged soul.
Do I feel I have had a full and fruitful
life? Yes. You see, I do not view my
life as a measure of losses but as a measure of blessings. God almighty blessed
me and bestowed upon me great parents, a wonderful life partner, a priceless family
(biological and otherwise), and a few true friends (albeit very small in quantity
but not in quality). In a world where thousands upon thousands of people go
jobless and careerless, I had a very good career spanning almost 36 years,
which ensured me a reasonable and steady pension that offers a modicum of financial
security in my old age as also a relieving sense that I am not being a burden
on anyone.
Well, friends, what more can I ask for?
