UNFATHOMABLE DEEDS OF GOD

I don’t know why God took away from me my wife and soul mate, but then I don’t know why He took away from me my father when I was only eight and I don’t know either why he took away my mother, my younger brother; nature’s writ, I suppose.

I missed the blessing hand of my father over my head all through my life; that void was unfillable. I always had a grouse against God for this act of His. Then, realisation dawned on me that I was lucky to have had my mother for a friend, a philosopher, and a guide throughout my early adult life.

I lost my mother twenty years after I lost my father. I was devastated and, again, I had only complaints against Him. To say that I crawled out of that dark abyss rather quickly would definitely seem insensitive and cruel; it may even display certain lack of love for my mother! That’s not correct at all for the simple reason that I had my wife waking every insomniac moment and walking every stumbling step along with me in life. My recovery was relatively easy. Even when my younger brother passed away, I had the caring embrace of my soul mate to cuddle and cry in, unmindful of wetting her bosom.

However, in hindsight - man is nothing if he is not wise in hindsight – all these writs of nature meant naught, for, in His infinite wisdom and boundless kindness, He left me in the care of my loving family comprising my two daughters nonpareil, my sons(-in-law), and four grandchildren. Despite the devastation, if I am able to fight my unfillable void and incurable loneliness, it is due to this family of mine and also due to the no-mean contribution of a non-biological daughter of mine fighting her own battles and demons. I am a lucky old man and am not in the habit of looking in the mouth of a gift horse.

In some of my earlier blog posts, I wrote in detail about tackling old age and loneliness. Therein, I mentioned in unequivocal terms the importance of the caring support of one’s family going that one extra mile. I am a lucky old man.

Do I have regrets? Just that I do not have my soul mate beside me in this ultimate and crucial phase of my life.

Do I feel sad? Just that I lost so many kith and kin and, possibly, will lose a few more during the remainder of my sojourn on this planet.

Do I feel aimless and rudderless? No. I keep myself positively engaged in sketching and painting, writing poetry, which activities also act therapeutically for my ravaged soul.

Do I feel I have had a full and fruitful life? Yes.  You see, I do not view my life as a measure of losses but as a measure of blessings. God almighty blessed me and bestowed upon me great parents, a wonderful life partner, a priceless family (biological and otherwise), and a few true friends (albeit very small in quantity but not in quality). In a world where thousands upon thousands of people go jobless and careerless, I had a very good career spanning almost 36 years, which ensured me a reasonable and steady pension that offers a modicum of financial security in my old age as also a relieving sense that I am not being a burden on anyone.

Well, friends, what more can I ask for?